Thursday, November 19, 2009

A Tug of War

I have been reading about Jane Fonda and the end of her marriage to Ted Turner. At the time, it was widely alleged that the cause of the break-up was her newly-found faith (she became a born-again Christian in 2001; he has been reported to be anti-religion). Both she and Ted Turner have since said that the main problem was a lack of communication and not religion. He said he was upset that she didn't talk to him about it, while she has claimed that she feared that he would talk her out of it if she had.

I understand what it's like to have faith so young and fragile that you worry that the slightest attack will completely snuff it out. So you try to protect it and stay away from negative influences as much as possible.

However, Ted and Jane would not be the first couple with almost diametrically opposing perspectives (in 1 or more areas) who have successfully lived together (or at least appeared to do so), so what makes the difference? Is it having shared values that transcend a particular faith? Openness and communication? Flexibility? Plenty of humour? Or something else? I suspect that it probably comes down to a mixture of the above.

My musings are not just in reference to faith; it could relate to attitudes to life (e.g. Adventurous & Risk-Taker vs. Fearful & Cautious); political views (e.g. Liberal vs. Conservative); values (e.g. Feminist vs. Patriarchal).

And this brings me to the next point: where do you place the person who has views that would ordinarily be considered conflicting? For instance, being a Christian and a feminist? At a conference last year, I was reminded that as feminists we need to embrace all women into the movement irrespective of individual situations, abilities and sexual orientations. As a Christian, certainly not all things are acceptable. I've always been a big proponent of safe sex for people who are sexually-active and not married. As a Christian, pre-marital sex is a definite no-no. I have always felt strongly that a couple should be equal partners in their relationship. However, while men and women have equal standing in God's kingdom, within the family unit, the man is the designated head. So, this leads to another set of internal wranglings and I suspect these will go on for me for a while.

As a naturally introspective person, I am constantly analysing and questioning. I believe it was Socrates who declared that the "unexamined life is not worth living", and while I agree that digging below the surface is important to do, it is also very tiring.

So what to do? Live a life governed by one set of rules so that there will be no contradictions in any of your views? Be or partner only with people who share all your fundamental values, so there is no push and pull? So many more questions added to my already full head......

By the way, I am always interested in finding out about women who are both Christian and Feminist, so I'm pleased to see that Jane Fonda has a blog. I'm going to check it out, though from a cursory review it looks like she she's more comfortable sharing about her activism and professional life than her faith.

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Anonymous Lani said...

I love, love this post, Ore! You really brought out the issues.

What to do? Oh my, I wish I could say I have answers but I can't even dare say that. If anything, please let me know if you ever find anybody who has the perfect formula!

I have had inner conflict with these issues for years! How to be with a man when I am (to a large extent) a die hard feminist? Oh gosh, it took me years to finally get it together to marry my husband. He's more of a reserved Christian with some patriarchal ideas that infuriate me! Oh, we broke up and went our ways for some years and I had a relationship with someone more like me - Christian and liberal and all that... but would you believe, I went back and married my husband? I really don't know what to do with this love business.

We are going on three years in the marriage and I lie not, submission is not the easiest of concepts for me to deal with but I try...:) I love my husband and he loves me to death and we try to make it work. We laugh over some things and we have stormy arguments over some others. And yes, we sometimes just agree to disagree. For example, just a few weeks ago, after reading Mercy Amba Oduyoye's Chapter (The Childless Woman in the West African Space) in "Liberating Eschatology", we agreed to strongly disagree on whether or not every marriage should have children if the woman can. So far, we're working. We haven't broken each other's heads (lol) and I pray we go on together for many more years!

As for being Christian and Feminist, I have no apologies. When it comes up in discussions with more conservative Christian women, I hold my own without antagonism. And when it comes up in discussions with agnosts or atheists, I still hold my own. When all is said and done, it's my faith, my relationship, and I'm the one who is going to pick up the tab at the end of my life when I face God.

1:21 AM, November 20, 2009  

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Friday, November 13, 2009

Funding Nonprofits

There has to be a better way! I'm writing a funding proposal and have been trying to write this proposal for the last month. I don't think I have it in me anymore to spend days on what will turn out to be yet another unsuccessful proposal. I have decided that next year, I will turn to more innovative ways of raising money for the nonprofit organisation, which I run.

There will be less time chained to my desk slaving away on yet another proposal! There will be more out-of-the-box thinking on how to generate revenue! There has to be a better way!

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Blogger nneoma said...

Congrats on the Anita Borg Change Agent award!
http://www.africanloft.com/2009-anita-borg-change-agent-award-goes-to-three-african-women/

8:59 PM, November 13, 2009  
Blogger histreasure said...

just read about the Anita Borg Award..didn't knowit was you..

Congrats..more strength to you!!

9:53 PM, November 13, 2009  
Blogger Myne Whitman said...

Congrats on the Anita Borg award. I worked for an NGO while in naija and was frustrated writing proposals. One thing I focused on during my time away was to find out other ways to raise money. Good luck..

ps, have you voted on my blog? we're telling a story.

11:14 PM, November 13, 2009  
Blogger Ore said...

Thanks, Nneoma, histreasure and Myne!

@Myne, yes, I will certainly be exploring other strategies from now on. I love writing, but not when I'm writing repetitive documents with little to show for it!

Haven't voted on your blog yet, but will visit and do so.

8:02 PM, November 14, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Self-generated revenue is the most sustainable means of funding nonprofits. Now, the tricky part is balancing your non-profit vision with the fund-generating projects so you don't lose your focus. I could suggest an idea or two... :)

Anyway, all the best.

3:32 AM, November 15, 2009  
Blogger Ore said...

@ anon, ideas always welcome.

8:21 AM, November 16, 2009  

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11th Lagos Book and Art Festival

The 11th Lagos Book and Art Festival is holding November 13 – 15, 2009 at the National Theatre Complex, Iganmu Lagos.

The Festival will feature exhibition by Bookshops, Publishers, Libraries and "freelance" individual exhibitors; a huge Art Fair featuring a variety of works by galleries, art-dealers and individual artists; live music, dance, drama and live performances.

Friday, November 13 will feature events such as Mentoring Kids by Eugenia Abu at 11 am, followed by Children Craft Workshops, Play Groups and Performances. The final stage of the Book Trek: the Quest for the Most Literate Student holds at 2pm and will involve the review and the discussion of various books.

Saturday, November 14 will kickoff with Conversation: Lagos in the Imagination (3) with extensive references to Isi Joy Bewaji’s Eko Dialogue, Tejo Cole’s One Day is For The Thief, Odia Ofeimun’s Lagos of the Poets and Sefi Atta’s Swallow. There will be a Publishers Roundtable: Why I Publish What I Publish from 2pm to 4pm. Festival Party celebrating Segun Sofowote@70, Frank Okonta@70, Sammy Olagbaju@70, Tunji Oyelana@70, Mahmoud Ali Balogun@50, Nobert Young@50, Afolabi Adesanya@50, George Uffot@50, Edmund Enaibe@50, Kunle Adeyemi@50 will start at 5pm with music by Fatai Rolling Dollar.

Sunday, November 15 will open with a Youth Conference: Creativity and Empowerment, featuring a panel of young creative artists and art managers; convened by Positive Development Foundation and Youth Bank. Art Stampede will come up at 1pm.

Telephone: Toyin Akinosho 0805.762.2415 and Kafayat Quadri 0702.902.5583

Email: stampedecorang@gmail.com

Check the CORA blog for more information.

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Thursday, November 12, 2009

POLDEC Mobile Workshop

I am here at thr workshop organised by POLDEC on the use of mobile phones in advocacy.


Windows Live Hotmail: Your friends can get your Facebook updates, right from Hotmail®.


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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Test post from phone
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN


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Sunday, November 01, 2009

A Single Girl's Guide to Dating

This is hilarious. When you think there's been no progress made in gender relations, things like this make you realise that it used to be so much worse. But depending on where you are, some of these rules are still very much in effect.
"A lady should know how to behave on a date...and we've got you covered: follow these 13 steps from the February 1938 issue of Click Photo-Parade magazine and you'll have men falling all over you."

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, well... You would think the man is a deity with all these rules. Yes, some progress has been made in gender relations but the pull of patriarchy is so strong that I wonder if it can ever go away.

5:01 AM, November 03, 2009  
Blogger Ore said...

I wonder the same thing myself ..

11:12 AM, November 03, 2009  
Blogger Myne Whitman said...

It remains a man's world I think. But we can only continue to forge ahead.

Nice blog

4:34 PM, November 08, 2009  
Blogger Ore said...

Thanks, Myne! Yes, we have to keep pushing for the type of changes that are beneficial to both women and men.

10:57 PM, November 08, 2009  
Anonymous Den Santiez said...

Thanks for sharing this you might want to check this cool dating chat line.

Exotic Chatline
http://www.exoticchatline.com/

1:23 AM, November 11, 2009  

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Book Reading: Sarah Ladipo Manyika

Cassava Republic Press is pleased to announce a new voice in Nigerian literature: Sarah Ladipo Manyika and her debut novel In Dependence. Sarah, a resident of California, is visiting Nigeria this November to promote her book, which will be available nationwide from December. Sarah spent much of her childhood in Jos, Plateau State, but has lived in Kenya, France, and England. She currently teaches literature at San Francisco State University.


There will be two book readings in Lagos and Abuja.

Lagos Venue: Quintessence, Falomo Shopping Centre, Awolowo Road, Ikoyi
Time: 4.00pm
Date: Sat 7th November 2009

Abuja Venue: Pen & Pages, Plot 79, Ademola Adetokunbo Crescent, White House, Wuse 11
Time: 5.30pm
Date: Tues 10th November 2009

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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

'October Rain' Art Exhibition

For art lovers:
The Society of Nigerian Artists Lagos cordially invites you to its 11th annual juried art exhibition, October Rain 2009.
The exhibition will open on Saturday 17th October 2009 at 4.00 pm at the National Museum, Onikan, Lagos, and continues until Thursday 22nd October 2009.

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Monday, October 12, 2009

Job Opportunity: Specialist in Social Development and Gender

This is a position that some of you might be interested in:
A social development and gender specialist for the DFID-funded Education Support Sector in Nigeria programme. The position is based in Abuja and is for 18 months initially. This opportunity will suit someone with at least five years' field experience.
See the AWID website for more information.

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Grant Opportunity: Women in Technology

Apply for the Systers' Pass it On grant to support programmes that encourage women in computing. The Systers is an initiative of the Anita Borg Institute for Women & Technology and is a fantastic online resource, which provides a support and resource network for technical women.

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