The Options of a Woman

Thanks, O, for the link to this beautiful article by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie that neatly captures the dilemma of the modern Nigerian woman. Or rather the modern Nigerian woman who is frustrated by the pervasive system of gender inequality that typically relegates her several places behind her menfolk.

Do you react angrily to every attempt to 'put you in your place' or do you demurely defer to others?

Tales of Lionesses: Reflections on African Feminism

As the 3rd edition of the African Feminist Forum opens, founding member Jessica Horn reflects on where feminism fits in our narrative of African experience.

Launch of the Young Feminist Wire / AWID YFA

AWID's Young Feminist Activism program has launched the Young Feminist Wire, an online platform for young women working on gender equality everywhere around the world.

The Wire is a hub of information by, about, and for young feminists: tools and resources, opportunities and calls for participation, news and updates, in addition to collaborative activities. It also features blog posts, interviews, directories, and a registration form that allows you to plug in to a network of young activists and older allies.

A Tug of War

I have been reading about Jane Fonda and the end of her marriage to Ted Turner. At the time, it was widely alleged that the cause of the break-up was her newly-found faith (she became a born-again Christian in 2001; he has been reported to be anti-religion). Both she and Ted Turner have since said that the main problem was a lack of communication and not religion. He said he was upset that she didn't talk to him about it, while she has claimed that she feared that he would talk her out of it if she had.

I understand what it's like to have faith so young and fragile that you worry that the slightest attack will completely snuff it out. So you try to protect it and stay away from negative influences as much as possible.

However, Ted and Jane would not be the first couple with almost diametrically opposing perspectives (in 1 or more areas) who have successfully lived together (or at least appeared to do so), so what makes the difference? Is it having shared values that transcend a particular faith? Openness and communication? Flexibility? Plenty of humour? Or something else? I suspect that it probably comes down to a mixture of the above.

My musings are not just in reference to faith; it could relate to attitudes to life (e.g. Adventurous & Risk-Taker vs. Fearful & Cautious); political views (e.g. Liberal vs. Conservative); values (e.g. Feminist vs. Patriarchal).

And this brings me to the next point: where do you place the person who has views that would ordinarily be considered conflicting? For instance, being a Christian and a feminist? At a conference last year, I was reminded that as feminists we need to embrace all women into the movement irrespective of individual situations, abilities and sexual orientations. As a Christian, certainly not all things are acceptable. I've always been a big proponent of safe sex for people who are sexually-active and not married. As a Christian, pre-marital sex is a definite no-no. I have always felt strongly that a couple should be equal partners in their relationship. However, while men and women have equal standing in God's kingdom, within the family unit, the man is the designated head. So, this leads to another set of internal wranglings and I suspect these will go on for me for a while.

As a naturally introspective person, I am constantly analysing and questioning. I believe it was Socrates who declared that the "unexamined life is not worth living", and while I agree that digging below the surface is important to do, it is also very tiring.

So what to do? Live a life governed by one set of rules so that there will be no contradictions in any of your views? Be or partner only with people who share all your fundamental values, so there is no push and pull? So many more questions added to my already full head......

By the way, I am always interested in finding out about women who are both Christian and Feminist, so I'm pleased to see that Jane Fonda has a blog. I'm going to check it out, though from a cursory review it looks like she she's more comfortable sharing about her activism and professional life than her faith.

Independence vs. Submission

Interesting article on Bella Naija pondering how women can be both independent and submissive.

Revolutionary Road

As an ardent film lover, I thank God for Silverbird and Genesis Deluxe Cinemas. However, their film selections tend to cling firmly to the mainstream. So when I travel I try to watch the types of films that I know won’t be on offer here.

One of the films that I’ve enjoyed the most this year definitely has to be Revolutionary Road. Even if you haven’t seen it, you must surely have heard about it. Yes, that same Revolutionary Road from which actress Kate Winslet generated so much buzz this year, not to mention a slew of award nominations.

Revolutionary Road chronicles the journey into despair of April Wheeler, an aspiring actress who ends up as a dissatisfied housewife in suburban Connecticut. At the start of their relationship, she and her husband Frank share so many dreams of how exciting and different their lives will be. In the end, they realise that they are just like everyone else.

This is definitely a universal story, because I remember when I was much younger and dreaming about how radical my life would be. As people grow older, they start to ask themselves “So, is this it? Is this what the rest of my life will be like?”

For Frank, he goes to work (albeit to a job he’s bored by) and has career advancement prospects to distract him and give him hope of a better life. For April, she has the house, her two children and her husband to take care of, but (due to a combination of a lack of talent and consensual focus of priorities) no career. And she feels that for all her grand dreams and plans, her life has become empty and typical.

I remember thinking at the time I watched it that the film’s ending was theatrical and over the top, but at the end of the day, this story captures the quiet desperation of many women in 1950s U.S.A (and I’m sure today) as they sought to reconcile their unhappiness with their empty days while living out what is considered to be the ‘dream life.’

Read a review of the film on Women and Hollywood.

The Nigerian Woman: Modern, Empowered and Unequal

Every once in a while I read a very insightful or inspiring article in the Nigerian media.

In his column last week - Modern, empowered and unequal - Babatunde Ahonsi puzzled over the fact that although Nigerian women have come a long way in terms of education, exposure and career, they do not all seem to be aware of the power that this brings them and thus encouraging the idea of female inferiority. He writes:

Conscious of her failure to provide leadership to the womenfolk as a whole, she often blames her tolerance of men’s unjust and irresponsible behaviours towards her on tradition, religion, and the need to protect her children’s welfare.

But how else is social change initiated if not through positive deviance? It is when a determined few among the oppressed stake all their privileges within the status quo by working actively to undermine it, that the group as a whole eventually enjoys a better life.

Ahonsi urges educated and economically empowered women to make a stronger push for the rights of all women, especially on behalf of her less empowered female counterpart.

I thoroughly agree with this and this does not mean carrying placards and marching to Alausa. We can find alternative methods to keep these issues at the forefront of people's minds like discussing them in our personal networks, identifying ways to challenge cases of discrimination against women, blogging about it, calling in to relevant radio programs, writing to newspapers and joining advocacy groups.

Women & Hollywood

Just discovered this blog: Women & Hollywood: News and Commentary About Women and Hollywood from a Feminist Perspective. Looks interesting.

Prettyfying the F-Word

Making feminism more appealing? An article on Times Online explores this movement.

FTX & AWID

It's been a little while. But the last 10 days have been rather busy. I feel so lame saying that, because it feels like I'm *always* saying that. Okay, well they have. I've been away at 2 events; the first being the Feminist Technology Exchange and the second being the Association for Women's Rights in Development (AWID) Forum, both in Cape Town.

FTX was a 3-day workshop exploring feminist practices and politics of using technology. So what does that mean in plain English? You can think of it as ways to use existing tools to further women's rights. Yours truly was a trainer on the social networking track and that was fun and inspiring. Since it was an exchange, the model was not so much as a lecture-type format but a sharing of experiences, resources and practices all round.

AWID has been a wonderful experience. I've been wanting to attend it for the last 6 years and finally I'm excited to be here. It's been a packed 3 days, so far. And as with some conferences I've been to, there's a lot to pick from. My one grouse is that the really fabulous sessions are all packed in the mornings and I have to struggle to choose which one to go to. Then in the afternoon, there's nothing I want to go to. Since I am not a trainer, I have been able to relax a bit. My presentation is tomorrow morning, so hoping that goes well. It's the last day of the conference, which could be good or not. People will be tired and 'conferenced out.' Many will want to sleep in or even better go shopping or sight-seeing.

Exhibition at the Goethe

This morning I saw a clip about an artist who has/had an exhibition at the Goethe Institute. Her first name is Furo, but I didn't catch her last name.

The thing that captured my interest about her work was when she described her work as feminist. Her work, a mixture of paintings and installation art, depicted and raised questions about, among other things, Nigerian women's lives including patriarchy, subjugation, double standards and gender stereotypes. I was impressed.

Feminist Dating in a Patriarchal World

I listened to this hilarious podcast last night about a woman and her quest for 'the one'. I'm sure that we all read about women's dating travails on an almost daily basis, so what made this story so different? Well, the narrator was a feminist and many of the arguments she got into with her dates were so reminiscent of many of the fights I used to have. Growing up, I didn't have a clue what feminism was. In Nigeria, it was still referred to as "women's lib", and no, it wasn't all that long ago. I did know that I wanted an equitable partnership with my significant other, which is not the same as equal. Equal, to me denotes, that we would split all tasks evenly and that we would each give and take just as much as the other person. I don't think any relationship is equal in that sense. But, I wanted to be treated fairly and not accorded a certain status or roles because of my gender.

When you are getting to know someone (or perhaps I should say when I am getting to know someone), I want to find out what makes them tick as soon as possible to make sure that I am not wasting my time with someone who I would be utterly incompatible with. So invariably out comes the BS detector and the barrage of questions start. Would you want your wife to work? What are you looking for in a woman? Do you think that the woman should do all the housework? Really, and you expect her to hold down a full-time job? How? Do you plan on splitting the housework with your wife? Do you think that the man is the head of the household? Do you expect your girlfriend/wife to submit to you?
Yes, I know, talk about unsubtle.

Somehow, this police cell style interrogation never yielded really positive results. The guy would think I was crazy and I would think that he was a Neanderthal.

Overtime though, you tend to mellow out. It does not mean that you still do not hold your principles dear, but you are less judgemental about other peoples' questioning of them. The same thing happened with the story's narrator. She did find someone who wasn't threatened by her beliefs, but who wasn't afraid to challenge them either. They did have their occasional fighting matches, but no relationship is perfect.

Last night I was reading the new issue of Genevieve. One of the articles asks women what they want from life: marriage; career; both; neither? I don’t know if they just happened to pool a very unusual set of women. They all wanted both (and not just because of financially motivations either). Most wanted to get married at some point, but were cool if it didn’t happen. This was unusual for me to hear. The (still) common idea of Nigerian women is that they care very much about marriage, want it badly and, after a certain age, would pounce on a man, any man as long as he is still breathing, okay looking, has an okay job and all limbs intact. And although things are changing, I think this way of thinking still prevails. Understandably, I suppose, with society’s incredibly strong pressure towards 'traditional' norms like marriage and family.

So what to do when you do want to be with someone but have principles that you cannot compromise? Well, that’s a really difficult question to answer. Life is messy and complicated and frankly we all have to compromise at some point or the other. For me, I’m finding that chilling out a bit and seeing what someone has to offer without tearing apart their every word and action in order to reveal its hidden meaning works (and not to mention, kinder on my stress level).