ADC Plane Crashes

Another plane crash and the fourth fatal one within the last year.

A Sokoto-bound ADC plane crashed shortly after take-off from the Abuja airport, killing about 104 people. There are believed to be 6 survivors. The flight manifest has not been released yet, but the Sultan of Sokoto and his son were among the victims.

On October 23, 2005, a Bellview Airlines plane crashed near Lagos killing all 117 passengers.

On December 10, 2005, a Sosoliso Airlines plane going from Abuja to Port Harcourt crashed, killing all 108 people on board. Many of the passengers were schoolchildren going home for the Christmas holidays.

In September 2006, 10 senior army commanders were killed when their military plane crashed.

In November 1996, an ADC plane crashed and killed all 146 people aboard the Boeing 727 as the pilot tried to avoid a head-on collision with another airplane.

The poor air safety record is something that Nigerians have had to live with for a long while, though this last year's crashes have created a growing sense of unease. Last night I read a BBC journalist's experience with engine problems on a local flight. The story was meant to highlight Nigerian's ability to laugh in the face of adversity. It was funny and sad at the same time. Nigerians may have been deemed the "happiest people in the world", but perhaps it's time we started facing our issues with a greater degree of seriousness and less laughter.

The Cost of Doing Good

One of the projects I oversee at work is a youth career initiative and this is easily my favourite part of my job. However, raising money to fund the program's activities has been tough. Since we are currently planning the last event for this year, money is most definitely on our mind and I have been thinking all week about how we can raise more money for the project. Reading Jeremy's blog, I realise that our predicament is far from uncommon. We have a program that we believe whole-heartedly to be worthwhile and cannot understand why it is not attracting more support.

During a courtesy visit to a national paper this week, we received a lot of encouragement for our work but the journalists easily identified why we appear to be having a hard time. Nigeria is so much about who you know and who knows you. They advised us to lean on personal contacts a lot more than we have been doing. This will enable us to reach the people who need to hear about our work and who have the resources to support us. They also advised partnering with the government to establish a more stable source of funding and effect wider-readching changes.

Ah, the government! I see the wisdom in their advice, but previous experiences reaching out to various government institutions has been tedious and fraught with multiple levels of bureaucracy. If anything, it has taught me patience, which I freely admit that I am lacking in.

How do non-profits and NGOs manage to sustain their work over a long period of time, aside from relying on the grants that come in every now and again? Work doesn't stop just because your grant has! So, how do they manage to raise enough money to keep going from day to day?

An Evening of Contemporary Nigerian Music

The annual MUSON (Musical Society of Nigeria) music and arts festival started this week. I remember attending some of the events in the festival last year and was so tripped by how quickly 2006 has zipped by. It'll be December before you know it (another birthday and another year older) and 2007 will come knocking. For some wierd reason, I prefer even numbered years to odd (what can I say? I guess we all have our little quirks).

Back to MUSON, the concert I attended on Friday night was a celebration of contemporary Nigerian music and featured Beautiful Nubia, Dafe Oghoghome and the African Liberation Band, Wura and Glorious Golden Voices. No, I hadn't heard of any of the performers before that night, but I still had a good time. The headline act was Beautiful Nubia and he apparently has a huge following (more so in Canada, where he was based until recently it appears). Although I enjoyed his music, I resisted buying a CD afterwards because it is never quite the same experience. There's so much to be said for live performances.

I was surprised that there were so many young people in the audience. MUSON events tend to be dominated by old fogies (apologies to the old fogies reading this).

Phew!!!!!

I have been following the 3rd season of Project Runway, via iTunes and hadn't yet watched the final two episodes. I found out who the previous season's winner was before-hand and I didn't want that to happen this time around, so I have been desperately avoiding all entertainment websites and blogs (yes, Angela, Seke told me that I had better add yours to my list of Blogs Not to Visit).

Anyway, I just watched it and can breathe a sigh of relief. No, my favourite contestants (Ulli and Micheal) did not win! But now I can surf without restraints.

I didn't really like Jeffery's collection, though I liked a lot of his work during the season. I cannot profess to be a real fashion expert (I know what I like, to be sure), but I agree with the judges' assessment that he is very innovative and takes risks. I felt bad for him when he was accused of not making his clothes by himself. I thought that the fact that he looked genuinely stunned by the accusation and did not spew out a stream of invectives (which would have been a more typical Jeffery reaction) was an indication that he was innocent. It was clear that the other designers felt intimidated by his collection - especially Laura.

BTW, his girlfriend's mohawk was very cute. Hmmmm, I wonder how I would look with one .....

Eating Out

I love to eat. I especially love to eat out - a passion acquired, I suppose, in my years away from home. I just discovered the blog, Boston Chomps, devoted to eating out in Boston (courtesy of The Boomer Chronicles). I visited a lot of restaurants while I lived in Boston, but there were still so many left undiscovered (maybe that was one of the sadder aspects of my leaving the city).

I can tell I'm going to have fun reading both blogs.

I Love My Job

I saw this on Nurse Ratched's Place and thought it was so cute. I am sure it totally describes the way most people feel about their jobs - NOT!

I Love My Job
By Dr. Seuss

I love my job, I love the pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss, he's the best!
I love his boss and all the rest!

I love my office and its location,I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and grey, and piles of paper that grow each day.
I think my job is really swell,there's nothing else I love so well!
I love to work among my peers, I love their leers, and jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and its software.
I hug it often though it won't care. I love each program and every file.
I'd love them more if they worked a while.

I'm happy to be here. I am. I am.
I'm the happiest slave of the Firm I am.
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my job - I'll say it again - I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today,
In clean white coats to take me away!!!

Book Meme

Tagged by tuckergurl. I got this from Angela ages ago, but some memes are harder to do than others and even though I love reading, this is one of those that I had to think very hard about. Oh, my poor brain!

1. One book that changed your life?
Dont' you just hate it how you can think of answers to questions like this when no one is actually asking for your opinion, but when they do, you can't even recall the last thing you read?

Okay, contenders for this might be Martha Quest by Doris Lessing and So Long a Letter by Mariama Ba. Well, I'm not sure that I can say that they changed my life, but they both had a big impact on me. Also, Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself by Judy Blume.
Well, I'll probably think of something to add to the list later.

2. One Book That You've Read More Than Once.
I haven't re-read a book in the last 10 years or so (no time), so this will have to be one of the books I read as a girl. Where do I start? All of the Mallory Towers and St. Clares' series by Enid Blyton. Infact, anything by Enid Blyton. Or Judy Blume or Paula Danziger. I loved the African Writers' Series and read and re-read many of the books, especially Welcome Home, Chijioke.

3. One Book That You'd Want On A Desert Island.
This would have to be something light-hearted and funny so that I could re-read it as many times as I wanted. Maybe one of the books in the William series by Richmal Crompton.

4. One Book That Made You Laugh.
See # 3. Ake by Wole Soyinka was also really funny.

5. One Book That Made You Cry.
Again, where do I start from? Recently I read Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro and that was very sad, but I don’t think it made me cry exactly.

Possibly A Fine Balance or So Long a Journey by Rohinton Mistry. His characters tend to get clobbered by an avalanche of misery like I have never seen before. Again, I can’t remember whether these actually made me cry or not.

6. One Book That You Wish You Had Written.
I remember really loving In the Clear Light of Day by Anita Desai and thinking that the writing was just so beautiful.

I really love dry, sarcastic wit a la Margaret Atwood (probably her essays more so than her books) and wish I could write that way. I would also love to write something like one of the William books (by Richmal Crompton).

Edited to Add: A House for Mr. Biswas by V.S. Naipul.

7. One Book You Wish Had Never Been Written.
It’s hard to say something like this about a writer’s work. Writing a book is hard work and sometimes books don’t turn out the way you had hoped they would. Also, writing is a skill that you are continually honing so what one might call a crappy book may really be helping the writer get to the next level of skill and experience.

Okay, I’m sure that by the time I post this, I would have thought of a really God-awful book.

8. One Book That You Are Reading Right Now.
Boaz Brown by Michelle Stimpson. It is a Christian romance. I have never read one before and it is one of the last things I ordered from Black Expressions (an African-American targeted book club). I was very curious to know what a Christian romance novel would be like. It has been interesting so far.

Before I started Boaz Brown, I started Persuasion by Jane Austen. The story caught my interest and I have never read a Jane Austen book. I thought that it was about time.

9. One Book That You Have Been Meaning To Read.
Hmmm, how much time do we have? I bought Vanity Fair by William Thackeray in March and have been waiting for my next vac to read it.

I haven’t read a Charles Dickens book as an adult and started Hard Times about four years ago. I picked it up because it was the slimmest of his books that I found. I still haven’t finished it, but the bit I read was very funny. After that, I want to move on to Great Expectations, a present from my brother who felt that I would enjoy it.

10. Tag five others that you would like to do this meme.
I don’t like to tag people. I feel that it is like passing on the pain, but I have to say that I really enjoyed doing this. I tag Everchange/Two, Ayoola, Pilgrimage, Adefunke, Black Looks and anyone else who wants to do it.

Kiran Desai Wins Man Booker Prize

On Tuesday night, Kiran Desai was announced as the winner of this year's Man Booker Prize for her novel The Inheritance of Loss.

Kiran Desai also happens to be the daughter of one of my favourite writers, Anita Desai, so I'm happy for Kiran's win. I haven't read The Inheritance of Loss or her first novel Hullabaloo in the Guava Garden.

Multi-culti

Sitting in Eko Hotel this afternoon, I felt like I could have been almost anywhere in the world, with the ethnic diversity represented in the people who sat round the pool. I was curious and wanted to go round talking to people there to find out what their stories were and what brought them to Nigeria.

There was a group of mostly Americans (going by their accents) sitting close to us. They were such a disparate group and I wondered whether they were exchange students, expatriates, tourists or part of the entourage of any of the artistes perfoming in the This Day concert. Nigeria is still not somewhere where I imagine people visit for fun. I think that it is still largely one of those countries that you visit for a specific reason - usually work-related - and not purely for pleasure. This is a belief borne from interactions with many foreigners living in Nigeria.

Two of the ladies in the group had natural hair. One wore hers in an afro and the other in a twist-out. I realised how much I miss wearing my own hair out. I have definitely been wearing my hair in more conservative styles over the last 9 months. If I don't step out of the box in which I am placing myself, I will find myself in a braids-only rut. Wait, didn't I blog about this dilemma already? Okay, time to do something about it.

Almost Star Sightings

I hung out at the Eko Hotel for a bit today. When we got there, we found the lobby filled with a lot of young people. My friend and I wondered what was going on. Anyway, we kept on moving to the poolside, where we sat for close to an hour with me in delicious-hot-chocolate nirvana (it is very hard to find hot chocolate in Lagos made the way I like it i.e. creamy, sweet and frothy).

Sometime after we sat down, it occured to me that the stars performing in This Day's Independence concert were probably staying at the Eko Hotel after all it is probably the best and well-known hotel in Lagos. When we were getting ready to pay and leave, we heard a lot of screaming coming from the lobby. My friend and I joked that Beyonce and Jay-Z were probably passing through the lobby. We were silent for a while as we realised that it could possibly be true. In that instant we both hurriedly packed up our stuff and walked as fast as we could towards the lobby (you know, in that walk-fast-while-trying-not-to-run way). Of course, by the time we got to the lobby there was no one to be seen, just excited teenagers peering into their camera phones. I heard someone say something about Missy.

As we walked to my car, my friend wondered why we should care if a celebrity was in the vicinity or not.

"Well, I guess because they are on TV" she offered. "And they appear so glamorous" I added. I felt quite ashamed that I should care at all. I mean what has Beyonce done for me lately?

A Visit to the Garden City

There are bloggers who don't post for weeks and "it ain't no thing." I feel itchy (not to mention slightly guilty) when I haven't posted in a few days. Okay, make that a week.

I was in Port Harcourt this last week for work. One of the things that I appreciate most about my job is that I am getting to see some different parts of the country. Prior to my recent trips to PH, I'd gone years ago, while still in secondary school, to visit my BFF who was living there at the time. I remember it as being a rather quiet and clean city. My, what a difference a few years makes.

Port Harcourt was certainly a lot dirtier than I recollect from my teenage visits, but maybe then I really had no idea. Since it's currently rainy season and, like many Nigerian cities, PH lacks adequate drainage, dirty water pooled on the sides of the street making it virtually unpassable for pedestrians, unless they chose to wade in it (which they usually had to do since there was no alternative).

"Ha!" I would exclaim with derision whenever anyone told me about how bad Port Harcourt traffic is. Nothing could possibly beat Lagos go-slow. Well, PH traffic is definitely nowhere as bad as Lagos's, but it did manage to surpass my expectations.

Then of course, there was the 'restiveness' in the air (sorry to use such an over-used word), or maybe this was a result of my own prior expectations from all I had read about Port Harcourt. That there is a heavy police presence is undeniable and it feels very strange at first. I suppose after a while you cease to notice them much.

Having to fly into Owerri or Calabar is quite inconvenient. We flew into Owerri and made the approximately two-hour journey to PH. Despite the fact that the roads were quite bad, drivers still managed to speed down them miraculously avoiding falling down crater-like pot-holes.

The descriptor "Garden City" definitely conveys the wrong impression of what Port Harcourt is like, or maybe it harks back to long gone glory days.

As Different as Night and Morning

I took a quiz years ago to determine whether I was a Night Owl or Morning Lark (aka night person or morning person). I am aware that you don't need to take a quiz to know this, but it was the first time I'd even given the matter any thought.

The results of the quiz indicated that I was a Night Owl. It's true, I was and still kind of am, though there were some contradictions. I remember that back in university, I did my best analytical and problem-solving work from about 6AM to 2PM. This time was also best for writing essays. Any work accomplished after this time was icing on the cake. When it came to cramming (ahem....reading), I could do that anytime or as the situation demanded (e.g. last-minute studying for a test that I'd forgotten all about).

Starting my professional life coerced me into getting up hours before I was truly ready. I had to be up by a certain time (usually between 5.30 to 7AM) in order to get to the office by the time demanded by my employer. Initially this meant that I'd be in bed by 10.30PM. It wasn't long though before my night owl ways pushed my bedtime later and later until I was regularly hitting the sack (where did this expression come from, BTW?) by 2AM. Needless to say, I was NOT the most productive employee on these days and was no Little Miss Sunshine either (apologies to my much perkier colleagues, past and present).

This weekend, a late Saturday night up meant that I caught up on much-needed sleep on Sunday afternoon into the evening, and the result is that I'm now wide awake at 4.16AM with work to prepare for in a couple of hours. Should I even bother sleeping?

In my ideal world, employers would ask whether you were a morning or night person when they hire you, in order to set a schedule that is in sync with your most productive hours. See, I'm up now and could get so much work done. I could write letters, respond to emails, proof-read documents and work on proposals. I could sleep by 5AM, wake-up by 11AM and be in the office by 1PM. Sounds perfect to me! Employers, please take note.

A Woman Should .......

I tend to hate forwarded email. The chain forwards are the worst, especially the ones that try to guilt you into passing on the email to a bunch of friends with the threat that some little boy or girl will die if you don't (if this case, I must have contributed to the death of quite a few already ... and counting). There are very few forwards that I will actually appreciate and close friends and family usually know which ones I will like. Otherwise I tend to just hit "Delete" without even reading them.

Occasionally, when I'm in a more amiable mood I will read and enjoy even the forwards that I might have otherwise have hastily trashed. The following is one that I've received before and (I think) I actually liked okay:

A Woman Should Have ..

.... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to

.... something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour (-- I'm not in the least bit a "Rules" woman, but a date arranged within an hour????)

.... a youth she's content to leave behind (-- And a sparkling future to look forward to)

.....a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age

.....a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra

....one friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry (-- It's even better when you find both qualities in one person)

.....a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family

.....eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored

.....a feeling of control over her destiny (-- Yes! Yes! Yes!)

....how to fall in love without losing herself (-- Is this possible?)

...how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship

....when to try harder and when to walk away

...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents

.....that her childhood may not have been perfect, but its over (-- Amen to this! Here's to being a grown-up)

....what she would and wouldn't do for love or more

....how to live alone, even if she doesn't like it (-- Done this and totally loved it)

....whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally (-- Alas, a part of life)

....where to go - be it to her best friend's kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods when her soul needs soothing

.... what she can and can't accomplish in a day, a month and a year (-- Contrary to popular opinion, women are not superheroes. We have our limits, you know.)

In Times of Stress

I cannot say enough how much I love working out. I have worked out almost consistently for the last 12 years, since I started university. There have been stretches of months when I barely broke a sweat, maybe due to a crazy schedule, and that's why I say I have been "almost" consistent. The rest of the time, I have managed to get some exercise at least twice a week though my ideal is 3 to 4 times a week. It's funny, exercise is one of those things that is very easy to get addicted to - the more you do it, the more you want to do it. And it's good for you!!!

The last few weeks have been very busy at work and also rather on the stressful side and working out has helped me hang on to my sanity. So this is a mini tribute to exercise. Gym, Pilates, Step, treadmill, exercise bike, Body Conditioning Class, iPod - where would I be without you?

What a Fright.

Okay, that was very strange.... My blog disappeared for a while there. The only times I check my blog are after posting, to read through and make corrections, and when I read other peoples' comments. Days can go by without me checking in, so it was such a huge shock yesterday to actually surf by and find that my blog was not there.

What is this white page that I keep getting? I thought scared as hell.

I back up my posts infrequently and suddenly the thought that I might possibly have lost all my recent posts filled me with such dread.

Anyway, as suddenly as it went away, my blog has returned. I just hope that this disappearing act does not become a regular part of life here at Blogger.

Just in case though, I'm going to back up my posts.

My Sunday of Culture

I made it to the Lagos Books & Arts Festival by the hairs of my chin, chinny chin chin (or however that goes). I was in Port Harcourt for the latter part of the week and so missed the interesting-sounding Friday sessions. On Saturday, I was catching up on much needed sleep. Ditto, Sunday morning and early afternoon. I finally got to the Museum grounds in Onikan, where the festival was being held around 5pm. I assumed that it would be over but decided to risk it anyway. There were still quite a few stands anyway. Booksellers, publishers, artists all displayed their wares. A panel discussion on 20 years after Africa's (first?) Nobel win was wrapping up. I'm sure it was a good discussion. Looking through the program, I saw that I had missed quite a lot of interesting sessions. Well, there's always next year.

I bought a locally-produced how-to VCD on baking and icing cakes. I don't know when on earth I will ever get around to watching it. Let's just hope that it's not money thrown down the drain. I bought a story book for my friend's daughter, because I don't think she has any Nigerian books (and we can't have her growing up thinking that only Caucasian children exist in books now, can we?).

After that, I went to look at the Positive Faces exhibition on at Terrakulture. It is a collection of photographs of HIV positive Nigerians, which will be on display until the 21st of September. There is still so much stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS and so to see people (many of them young) who consented to have their pictures taken for this exhibition was amazing. Many of them now work in the area of HIV/AIDS advocacy and education and there were photographs showing some of them at work in their various communities. One young man in the collection said something along the lines of not feeling any stigma from people, because he doesn't let himself feel any stigma and because he feels quite positive about his life. It's such a lesson for anyone, I feel. Life is never going to be perfect, but our attitudes determine how we will deal with life's ups and downs, and in turn affects how people will view us. So, if you live your life boldly with little intention of setting-out to please other people, people will more or less accept your choices (yes, they may gossip and snipe but they will soon enough move on to someone else who seems more vulnerable and eager to please).

Back to the exhibition, it's nice to see art that isn't just pretty to look at but which also makes you think about a different aspect of life.

Communion

Again, it’s late at night (1.49AM, so technically it’s the wee hours of the morning) and I am still up. What happened to my ardent vow to be asleep by 11PM?

I really wanted to finish reading Communion: The Female Search for Love by bell hooks. I usually don't have time to read during the week and it seems that the time before I sleep is when I get most of my reading done these days, so I took the opportunity.

Communion has been an interesting book. I don’t think I read much about love – at least not much that critically examines women’s quest for love, in a very different way from the fluffy way that many women’s magazines do (though, admittedly, some women’s mags do some good write-ups too). The book has made me think about my ideas of love. It’s funny how when you are young you instinctively know what you want out of life. You know your likes and your dislikes. You may not be able to properly articulate why you feel the way you do, but still many of those feelings run deep.

I have always known that I wanted a partnership in which my significant other and I work together in harmony (I think that’s the best way to sum it up). That ideal never really changed as I grew older. It has only been recently, moving back home, that I have started to wonder if I am unrealistic in my expectations. The general consensus here seems to be that the woman will always do more. Accept it and move on. This acceptance will, at least, spur you on to find ways to cope with it i.e. hire nannies and house-helps, take on a less demanding job or be prepared not to work for a few years, etc.

To me, these are really not good enough because they don’t address the real issue, which is the underlying assumption that women should do more.

bell hooks says that It is a mark of the failure of feminist thinking to change the dominant patriarchal notion that in every relationship there is a dominant and a submissive party. It seemed that for a while, many feminists advocated a turning of the tables, so that women ruled the roosts over men. In many parts of Africa, that would be incredibly hard work and, to me, totally unnecessary. Working together in partnership should be the ideal that we strive for rather than a hierarchy with one person at the top and the other at the bottom.

Mutuality, like love itself, must come through work. Wise women know that the happiest, most fulfilling committed partnerships … are those in which mutuality is the core value, in which the spiritual growth and development of each individual matters.

Mutuality is a great word, by the way.

Old Versus New

Over the last few months, I have read a few articles about Japan's succession debate. Should the law be changed to allow a female ascend to the throne? To many people, I'm sure, the fact that we are still debating whether a woman is as qualified to lead as a man would be quite ludicrous especially in this day and age. To people who are from or who live in societies with strong, conservative cultures, this will be nothing new. We are used to hearing any variation of that old chestnut: Well, that's the tradition, or Tradition says that you have to ....... and tradition is tradition, or Tradition cannot be changed.

The older of the princes in the Royal Family, Crown Prince Naruhito, and his wife Princess Masako have one daughter. The younger Prince Akishino and his wife Princess Kiko, until the birth of their son this week, had two daughters. The problem according to conservatives is what would have happened had the Emperor passed away and neither of his sons left make heirs. In all this, I felt especially bad for the Princesses Masako and Kiko, that they should go through such mental anguish for something that is largely out of your hands. Princess Masako, it has been reported, has been particularly affected by this custom, as well as the rigidity of Imperial Household.

Of course, not all women who live in countries where traditional customs are still strongly upheld are subject to this kind of treatment (it would be too simplistic to say that). However, in these kinds of societies, there is usually a very strong pull between the old and the new; the traditional way of doing things versus a more modern outlook. In Nigeria, though women are legally entitled to attend school and to work, many still have to balance these with the traditional roles of parenting and managing a household. Nigeria is a country in flux, and as such, there will always be friction between how things used to be and the direction that modernity (aka the Western world) dictates that things move (examples being more equitable distribution of parenting and house-work, as well as of work opportunities).

Okay, an off-topic addendum here: I have to say that sometimes I tire of writing about the same topics - fond as I am of talking about women and women's development issues. I wonder how it is that academics and activists do not develop 'cause fatigue'. Academics have to keep up their research of their speciality area and activists have to keep their cause in the spotlight order to push for change. Then when change starts to happen they have to keep reminding people of the issues, lest they forget and things slide back to the old status quo. I feel that if you are not introducing a new spin on a topic, then maybe it's best to let things rest for a while. But at the same time, talking about issues sometimes helps you discover and develop new viewpoints.

The Downward Spiral

Maybe I am just being unnecessarily pessimistic, but it seems that many things that start of promisingly in Nigeria eventually go south.

Take driving in Abuja, for instance. When I have visited in the past, I always marvelled about how sane the driving is - especially compared to Lagos. And it still is! But getting from point A to B in Abuja is increasingly becoming a heart-stopping experience. I've heard it attributed to the multitude of road works going on at the moment, which diverts the traffic to illogical and life-threatening routes. I was in ABJ this week and on our way to the Old Secretariat, some road construction led us to cut across a busy expressway and sail into oncoming traffic. Or maybe we just had a driver who loved to live on the edge. Either way, I can no longer shake my head at Lagos traffic and think "Well, all Nigerian drivers are not totally crazy. There are other parts of Nigeria, like Abuja, where people actually practice safe driving."

I still love being in Abuja though and when there I can feel myself immediately floating into a much calmer space.

The Smallness of Lagos

Lagos is one of those places where it seems that everybody knows everyone else or at least they potentially know everybody through someone else they know. This is great if you want to immerse yourself in the social swing of things fairly quickly. It is not so great if you want to have some semblance of privacy. I cannot recount the number of times that it has turned out that I already know(ish) someone who I thought I was meeting for the first time. Or it turns out that I know their brother or sister or best friend or classmate. Then we start to connect the dots.

- OK, then you must have been at [so-and-so]'s Christmas party?

- Ah, yes oh! So that means that you must also know [insert name].

- Yes! Yes! I do! How do you know them?

- Hah!!! We have known each other for years. We practically grew up together. We are family friends!

Which brings me to that ubiquitous descriptor - "family friends." Anyone who you were forced to befriend as a child by dint of the fact that their parents knew your parents and you occasionally exchanged visits is termed a "family friend." Sometimes, if the relationship goes a bit deeper than that, then you can become "cousins."

I remember introducing an actual cousin of mine to a Ghanian friend back when I lived in England. He later asked me if the guy was really my cousin. Puzzled, I replied "Yes, of course."

"Well you never know with you Nigerians", he mused. "Everyone is your cousin."

But, back to this 2 degrees of separation between Lagos folks. It means that you really can't get away with anything. Any ill-advised thing that you do, say or wear will forever be remembered by someone somewhere, who will know your cousin's brother's friend's classmate's family friend.