Committments

Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the gazillion-selling Eat, Pray, Love is out with a new one called Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage. Committed follows off from where EPL leaves off and explores the institution of marriage.

I haven't read EPL yet, so I can't say much either way about it. I am curious to read Committed though, because I am fascinated by marriage and learning about what makes for a good one.

An interesting statement made by Ms. Gilbert in this interview on the Goodreads website is that marriage does not benefit women as much as it does men.

Her thinking is that women go into marriage with extremely high ideals and are frequently brought crashing to earth in disappointment. Men, on the other hand, enter into legal unions with reluctance, scared of losing their independence and becoming trapped, and then find themselves pleasantly surprised and think "Oh, this is actually quite nice." Of course, I am sure that traditional gender roles play a big part in adjusting people's expectations once within the institution.

Another interesting thing she says, which goes against popular thinking is that the more educated, independent and successful a woman is, the more content she is in her marriage. I can't count the number of times I have heard it said (and it's usually from men, sorry guys) that the more educated a woman is, the less likely she will make a good wife (the characteristics of a 'good' wife is a subject of discussion for another day).

Well, the truth is that many women are brought up with romantic and unrealistic notions of marriage. You are told to wait for 'your Prince Charming', 'white knight on a horse'; that one day 'your prince will come.' Fairy tales end with the maiden and her prince 'riding off into the sunset' or 'living happily ever after.'

I never really wondered how come boys aren't reared on the same delusional stories. However now that I think about it, I realise that it's no wonder that there can be such a difference in how the sexes largely approach relationships.

The Issue of Marriage

I discovered this lady's blog earlier this year - I'm not sure if I blogged about her already.

She has given herself a year to find her husband. Starting from this January, Neenah (that's her name) has thrown herself into a committed schedule of dating and introductions through speed dating, blind dates, online dating, and going to all the places where the men are (sports games, church, etc.). So far, she hasn't found her Mr. Right but it has been interesting reading her journey.

In this post, she shares her experiences speed dating. As someone who does not do vulnerability and intimacy very well, I commend her courage in opening up herself to the world. She set up the website and blog to not only share her dating travails with the world, but more importantly to provide a forum for her to meet more men (you can schedule dates with her or recommend someone) and get direction and guidance from the public.

If she doesn't meet her husband this year, Neenah plans on taking a break from dating in next year. And you all know that is when she'll meet him, right?

On a slightly different but related note, I caught a segment on Today on STV this morning before I left for work. A lady was promoting her NGO which she set up to provide marriage counselling to young married women. It's great for women to have spaces for advice and support, but the mantra being promoted was the same old thing we hear: women must learn to submit to their husbands (what happened to the part about submitting to each other?); choose an undemanding career so that you have more time for your family; divorce is unacceptable in all conditions (though separation for a period is fine until you come to your senses and return to your husband). Ack! I can't get into it all. I don't have that kind of energy anymore....